"How come a woman's hymen is the only thing being focused on here? It's just ridiculous that it's permissible to examine the sheets of a married couple after their wedding night to check the woman's virginity. What about the man...? There are countless marriages, cer­tain­ly I could mention a few, where the man has lost his virginity well before the wedding, but no-one seems to care since it cannot be proven.

I want to ask these illiterates how blood-stained sheets guarantee a woman's purity? I call them illiterates because they are ignorant enough to believe that all women bleed and that if they don't, the only possible reason is that they have already had sex. The truth is that a woman's hymen proves nothing. Nor is there any reason why it should, since each must be accountable for their own actions: If you've done wrong, you should only be accountable to God, not to some ignorant mother-in-law."

Woman of non-Danish ethnic origin, high-school student.

Do It Yourself

If you do not feel ready to confront your family, and feel that all the counselling in the world will not help your situation, then you should read this section. Have you read the section Why - not? If you still feel it is impor­tant for you to bleed, you need to know that there are alternatives to surgery.

- Talk to your doctor about getting a pre­scrip­tion for the pill. If you are on the pill, you can plan your period to coincide with your wedding night.

- When the occasion arises, tell your family, that many women do not bleed at first inter­course. This is how God made woman and God is infallible.

- If negative remarks are made about your honour, you can ask your family to contact their doctor or another medical professional. The doctor will confirm, that failure to bleed does not mean, that the girl is not a virgin.

Some women use other methods like placing chicken liver in their vagina. This can lead to infection and should be strongly discouraged. Always speak to your doctor if you are considering other options.

Have you heard of other methods, or have you conjured up blood on your own wedding night? Drop us a line. You will of course remain anonymous, and you will be helping other women who are experiencing these intense pressures.